Sonship

CHART EXPLANATION

Image of God

Our outlook towards God depends on whether we are still operating as orphans, or delighting in being His children.

People with an orphan mindset see God more as a harsh taskmaster, ready to hit them when they do wrong; they must toe the line or be punished because God is considered One who punishes His children whenever they disobey or don’t do things perfectly. Their image of God as a Father likely comes from their life experience. Perhaps their own earthly father, being human and therefore not perfect, disciplined them in an abusive manner. Perhaps it was their mother who was legalistic or critical of everything they did. The judgment taught them that they must be perfect in order to have worth in God’s eyes.

Sons and daughters see God as the loving Father Jesus describes in the New Testament: One who personifies safety and delights to bless His children. All good things come from Him.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28 (NKJV)

Dependency

A person who is independent and self-reliant is operating as an orphan. They most likely have not learned to let others in to help them when help was needed; or they might, as a child, have asked for help and the needed assistance never materialized. They were let down in a way that scarred them. Now they believe they are on their own, therefore they do everything without letting others in, including God. Asking for help is a negative thing for them. Trust is a foreign word and not in their vocabulary.

Those who live as a son or daughter of God are interdependent. They acknowledge their need and let others into their life. This changes their relationship with God as they have learned to trust. Their  instinct is not to hold everything close to their chest, but to be transparent with others in order to build relationships.

“Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land, and practice faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust also in Him, and He will bring it to pass”. Psalm 37:3-5 (New King James Version)

Theology

A person who lives by the law is operating as an orphan. Rules and regulations are the most important thing to them and must never be broken or there will be consequences. Their lives are rigid and usually fear is their motivation. They fear being reprimanded or corrected because that would expose them as not perfect. They must live their lives in a strict, legalistic manner in order to gain God’s approval.

A son or daughter, on the other hand, lives by the law of love as demonstrated throughout the New Testament. They look at others through the eyes of love, and when mistakes are made, they give grace and mercy rather than judgment or anger. They know their Heavenly Father looks at them through eyes of love and they in turn give it away freely to others. There is no racial discrimination because they know God looks at the heart, not the skin colour.

Loving themselves is a necessary first step before loving others, and will determine where their hearts are at, either as orphans and servants, or sons and daughters.

“You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when I was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand; when I awake, I am still with You”. Psalm 139:13-18 (New King James Version)

“For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace.” Romans 6:14 (New King James Version)

Security

An orphan or servant is usually insecure deep down and lacks inner peace. Their security will often come in the form of status, material goods, addictions, jobs or other people.

Sons and daughters rest in a peace that passes all comprehension, as the bible tells us. They know God is FOR them, never against them, therefore they don’t have to worry about lacking anything. Their security is firm in their Heavenly Father.

“Keep turning your back on every sin, and make “peace” your life motto. Practice being at peace with everyone”. Psalm 34:14 (The Passion Translation)

Need for Approval

A person with an orphan mentality strives for the praise, approval and acceptance of man. They feel they “must” be holy to have God’s approval. If they don’t get the approval they crave, they feel rejected or worse. So they might work longer hours than necessary at their job in order to get that required “well done!” lavished upon them. The need for that kind of approval unfortunately can sometimes come ahead of family or other responsibilities. They strive to make their hearts feel better about who they are. If they don’t get the approval they so desperately need, they can spiral downward, or dive into self-rejection. They feel they are not good enough.

A son, on the other hand, is looking to God the Father for his approval. Yes, it’s good to receive the approval of other people, but God is the one they look to for that “well done” they need. When God gives them that approval, they sense it in their hearts and don’t need to go find it elsewhere. They feel totally accepted in God’s love and justified by grace. They know Jesus paid the price for them to receive that approval God is so quick to give us.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved”. Ephesians 1:3-6 (New King James Version)

Motive for Service

Orphans feel they must be high achievers in their personal and professional lives. This is because they seek to impress God and others. The opposite of that, however, is they have no motivation to serve at all because orphans or servants only do what is required of them, and don’t go above and beyond.

A son, on the other hand, is motivated to serve by a deep gratitude to God for being unconditionally loved and accepted by Him. They look for ways to share the love God gives them, and are quick to offer help when needed. They don’t feel threatened by serving others, nor do they feel “above” volunteering their time, energy or money as they feel this is giving back to the Lover of their souls.

“But Jesus called them to Himself and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and those who are great exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant. And whoever desires to be first among you, let him be your slave—just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:25-28 (New King James Version)

Motives Behind Christian Disciplines

Orphans operate out of duty and out of earning God’s favour. The flip side of this is they have no motivation at all for disciplines such as regular bible reading or prayer because they feel they can never “make it”, so why try at all?

For sons, Christian disciplines such as soaking in the Spirit, reading the bible regularly or praying is a delight as they seek to get to know their Heavenly Father better. They have learned that His love for them is unconditional and this becomes their motivation for pressing in for more.

“Seek the Lord while He may be found, call upon Him while He is near. Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts; let him return to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him; and to our God, for He will abundantly pardon”. Isaiah 55:6-7 (New King James Version)

Motive for Purity

Orphans or servants see themselves has “having to” be holy in order to get God’s favour. This increases a sense of shame and guilt as it becomes impossible to do. The harder they try, the worse they feel as they fail over and over again.

Sons want to be holy, or set apart, because God calls them to be such. The difference is they realize they are unable to do this without Jesus. Jesus becomes their holiness as they seek to not do anything that would hinder their intimate relationship with God. So they’re not looking for approval so much as surrendering to God’s ways in their lives.

“God has given the Gentiles the opportunity to be acquitted by faith, even though they had not been really seeking God. But the Jews, who tried so hard to get right with God by keeping his laws, never succeeded. Why not? Because they were trying to be saved by keeping the law and being good instead of by depending on faith. They have stumbled over the great stumbling stone”. Romans 9:30-32 (The Living Bible)

Self-Image

Orphans feel self-rejection because they compare themselves to others rather than looking to God. There will always be someone else they need to be better than, which leads to pride if they succeed, or self-rejection and possibly self-hatred if they fail.

Sons know they are affirmed and are of great value to God. They don’t have to strive to be someone else because they are perfectly accepted as they are. Their outlook is positive because they know they are created in His image.

“Throughout the coming ages we will be the visible display of the infinite, limitless riches of his grace and kindness, which was showered upon us in Jesus Christ. For it was only through this wonderful grace that we believed in him. Nothing we did could ever earn this salvation, for it was the gracious gift from God that brought us to Christ! So no one will ever be able to boast, for salvation is never a reward for good works or human striving. We have become his poetry, a re-created people that will fulfill the destiny he has given each of us, for we are joined to Jesus, the Anointed One. Even before we were born, God planned in advance our destiny and the good works we would do to fulfill it!”. Ephesians 2:7-10 (The Passion Translation)

Source of Comfort

Those with an orphan mentality seek comfort in counterfeit affections. This leads to addictions, such as pornography or drugs for instance, or compulsions, escapism, busyness or hyper-religious activity. When they go to one of these to numb the pain, they see themselves as losers; some don’t care at all how they hurt others.

Sons look forward to times of quietness and solitude. They seek to “soak” in the Holy Spirit’s presence and get filled with His love for them. When hard times come, they go to the One who has become their Anchor in the waves, or their Safe Harbour because they have known His comfort at other times and have learned to depend on it.

“All praises belong to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. For he is the Father of tender mercy and the God of endless comfort. He always comes alongside us to comfort us in every suffering so that we can come alongside those who are in any painful trial. We can bring them this same comfort that God has poured out upon us. And just as we experience the abundance of Christ’s own sufferings, even more of God’s comfort will cascade upon us through our union with Christ”. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 (The Passion Translation)

Peer Relationships

Orphans or servants feel they are in competition and rivalry toward other people’s successes and positions because they believe that in order to receive God’s approval, they must excel above the others. Jealousy reigns in this mindset. These relationships bring no peace. For instance, if a story is told by their rival, the orphan speaks up with a better story to “demonstrate” that he is better than the other person. They are not able to rejoice with someone when a blessing comes their way because in their minds they should be the recipients rather than the other person.

Sons value others, and because of that they are able to rejoice in other people’s blessings and successes. Their attitude is one of humility and unity rather than jealousy and competition. They know God is the One who showers blessings upon us, and because of that they are able to wait for His perfect timing for them.

“You have no right to criticize your brother or look down on him. Remember, each of us will stand personally before the Judgment Seat of God. For it is written, “As I live,” says the Lord, “every knee shall bow to me and every tongue confess to God.” Yes, each of us will give an account of himself to God. So don’t criticize each other anymore”. Romans 14:10-13 (The Living Bible)

Handling Others’ Faults

Orphans or servants accuse and expose others’ faults in order to make themselves look good and others look bad.

Do you think that those who use online platforms to expose people or churches for supposed wrong-doing have this mentality?

Sons, on the other hand, know that they are human too. They treat others as they would want to be treated. They seek to restore those who have done wrong in a spirit of love and gentleness. They follow the law of love as opposed to the love of law.

“The Holy Spirit of God has sealed you in Jesus Christ until you experience your full salvation. So never grieve the Spirit of God or take for granted his holy influence in your life. Lay aside bitter words, temper tantrums, revenge, profanity, and insults. But instead be kind and affectionate toward one another. Has God graciously forgiven you? Then graciously forgive one another in the depths of Christ’s love”. Ephesians 4:30-32 (The Passion Translation)

View of Authority

Orphans see authority as a source of pain. They don’t trust those in authority and they lack a heart attitude of submission. Often they feel they would do a better job. They feel superior and proud, therefore arrogant.

Those with a “sons” mindset are respectful and honouring toward those in authority over them. They see them as ministers given that position by God for good in their life, and therefore are able to bless them.

“Every person must submit to and support the authorities over him. For there can be no authority in the universe except by God’s appointment, which means that every authority that exists has been instituted by God. So to resist authority is to resist the divine order of God, which results in severe consequences”. Romans 13:1+2

(The Passion Translation)

View of Admonition

The dictionary definition for admonition is: an act or action of admonishing; authoritative counsel or warning. This speaks to having someone in your life who is able to counsel, and sometimes even reprimand.

For Christians, God is the One who reprimands us in order to help us grow and become more like Jesus.

The person with an orphan outlook will have difficulty receiving reproof. The reason for this is that they must be right in all things. So when someone indicates that they are “not perfect”, their feelings are hurt. The unfortunate result is that they then close their spirit to discipline. The deception is that they feel they are better than others.

Sons, however, see the admonition as a blessing to help them correct what needs to come into line with the Word of God in their lives.

None of us is perfect. The important thing is to have someone you trust in your life to guide and give counsel when needed. In this way, your faults and weaknesses are exposed and put to death. Jesus said we are to put the flesh to death. But unless we see what “the flesh” constitutes, we cannot put it to death. That is why we need others to help us in our walk, those who love us enough to speak up when we need correction.

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor detest His correction; for whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.” Proverbs 3:11+12 (New King James Version)

Expression of Love

Those with an orphan spirit are guarded and conditional. The way they view others is based upon the other peoples’ performance. This is because their own needs can only be met when they themselves are perfect, so they become judgmental and critical of those they see as imperfect.

Sons are open, patient and affectionate with others. They lay their lives and their own agendas down in order to meet the needs of others. In other words, they see others as more important than themselves.

“Loving me empowers you to obey my commands. And I will ask the Father and he will give you another Saviour, the Holy Spirit of Truth, who will be to you a friend just like me—and he will never leave you. The world won’t receive him because they can’t see him or know him. But you will know him intimately, because he will make his home in you and will live inside you. “I promise that I will never leave you helpless or abandon you as orphans—I will come back to you”! John 14:15-18 (The Passion Translation)

Sense of God’s Presence

Orphans are conditional and distant with God. They have a need to protect themselves, so relationships, including with God, are not open and fulfilling, but distant. Their life has no peace even if they feel they have it. Striving to be perfect can never bring peace.

Sons have a close and intimate relationship with God. They see their worth for who God created them to be, and have a deep abiding peace because of it. There is no need to strive. Their needs are met through their relationship with the Godhead.

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28 (NKJV)

Condition

Orphans live their lives in bondage to perfectionism. They are unable to let their guards down because they must always be seen as perfect.

Sons live their lives in liberty no matter their situation. There is freedom in knowing they don’t have to be perfect to be accepted and highly valued in God’s eyes. This acceptance remains with them even if they work with a boss who expects perfectionism, because when people let them down, God still loves them.

“And you did not receive the “spirit of religious duty,” leading you back into the fear of never being good enough. But you have received the “Spirit of full acceptance,” enfolding you into the family of God. And you will never feel orphaned, for as he rises up within us, our spirits join him in saying the words of tender affection, “Beloved Father!” Romans 8:15 (The Passion Translation)

Position

Orphans do not feel free in their relationship with God. They feel like a servant, or even like a slave, having to toe the line in order to be accepted and loved by a distant God. They often read the bible as a book of laws, instead of the writings of a God who desires the best for them.

Sons know they are a son or daughter. They don’t have to strive to be perfect because they get their worth through Jesus Christ and His sacrifice on the cross which bought their freedom for them.

“Then Jesus said, “Once there was a father with two sons. The younger son came to his father and said, ‘Father, don’t you think it’s time to give me the share of your estate that belongs to me?’ So the father went ahead and distributed among the two sons their inheritance. Shortly afterward, the younger son packed up all his belongings and traveled off to see the world. He journeyed to a far-off land where he soon wasted all he was given in a binge of extravagant and reckless living.

“With everything spent and nothing left, he grew hungry, for there was a severe famine in that land. So he begged a farmer in that country to hire him. The farmer hired him and sent him out to feed the pigs. The son was so famished, he was willing to even eat the slop given to the pigs, because no one would feed him a thing.

“Humiliated, the son finally realized what he was doing and he thought, ‘There are many workers at my father’s house who have all the food they want with plenty to spare. They lack nothing. Why am I here dying of hunger, feeding these pigs and eating their slop? I want to go back home to my father’s house, and I’ll say to him, “Father, I was wrong. I have sinned against you. I’ll never be worthy to be called your son. Please, Father, just treat me like one of your employees.”’

“So the young son set off for home. From a long distance away, his father saw him coming, dressed as a beggar, and great compassion swelled up in his heart for his son who was returning home. So the father raced out to meet him. He swept him up in his arms, hugged him dearly, and kissed him over and over with tender love.

“Then the son said, ‘Father, I was wrong. I have sinned against you. I could never deserve to be called your son. Just let me be—’

“The father interrupted and said, ‘Son, you’re home now!’

“Turning to his servants, the father said, ‘Quick, bring me the best robe, my very own robe, and I will place it on his shoulders. Bring the ring, the seal of sonship, and I will put it on his finger. And bring out the best shoes you can find for my son. Let’s prepare a great feast and celebrate. For this beloved son of mine was once dead, but now he’s alive again. Once he was lost, but now he is found!’ And everyone celebrated with overflowing joy”. Luke 15:11-24 (The Passion Translation)

Vision

Orphans have spiritual ambition. They have an earnest desire for spiritual achievement which, in their eyes, gives them distinction. They excel in their studies in order to be recognized for their achievement. They work hard to be given a higher position of leadership, not out of love, but out of competition. They have a need to be seen and counted among the mature, so they are willing to strive for it all. Perfection must be achieved at any cost.

Sons experience the Father’s unconditional love and acceptance daily. They are then sent as representatives of His love to family and others. They are fully aware of the incredible position they’ve been given as sons through all Jesus accomplished on the cross for them. It’s a life lived in humility and love.

“Since you are all set apart by God, made holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with a holy way of life: compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Put up with one another. Forgive. Pardon any offences against one another, as the Lord has pardoned you, because you should act in kind. But above all these, put on love! Love is the perfect tie to bind these together. Let your hearts fall under the rule of the Anointed’s (Jesus’) peace (the peace you were called to as one body), and be thankful”. Colossians 3:12-15 (The Voice)

Future

Orphans have to fight for what they can get. Nothing is given to them for free. They are unable to see that Jesus is their provider in all things, and if they die to their flesh and bring their hearts in line with the Word of God, He will bring them to a higher position of maturity than they can ever achieve on their own.

Sons see their inheritance as theirs now. Any need they have, they are able to bring to God, knowing that in His perfect time, they will have all their needs met. Sonship releases their inheritance!

“So, what does all this mean? If God has determined to stand with us, tell me, who then could ever stand against us? For God has proved his love by giving us his greatest treasure, the gift of his Son. And since God freely offered him up as the sacrifice for us all, he certainly won’t withhold from us anything else he has to give”. Romans 8:31 (The Passion Translation)

If you feel that God is a distant God, you might need healing from a wrong mindset. Go to Him and ask Him to bring healing so you can have a more redeemed mindset, thereby allowing you to feel closer to Him. His goal is to draw us closer so we can know the blessing of a Perfect Father, one who loves us unconditionally.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

Do you see yourself in the descriptions above of the orphan or servant? Or do you see yourself in some of the those descriptions, and some in the “son” descriptions? It’s quite possible to have a toe in both. That just means that you have already received some healing. But you need more.

Does your heart long for a relationship with Jesus that will burn away all the pain of past traumas?

Jesus is calling out to you. As the saying goes, He is standing at the door of your heart, knocking. Will you answer? You might already have answered that knock, but somewhere in the messiness of life, you started thinking more like an orphan. Or you received wrong doctrine and didn’t realize it was wrong, so you keep living by it, demonstrating that you have orphan thinking. The important thing is for you to get healed from the wrong mentality and be set free in your heart. God loves you just as you are. Did you know that? Even if you are struggling to really understand what that means.

One thing that will change our hearts in a hurry is sin. If you started slowly with jealousy and judgment, then let it grow and fester in you, this is something Jesus wants to heal you from. Are you willing to forgive those who have caused you harm or propelled you into this kind of mentality because of their actions? Forgiveness is the absolute first thing to be done. If you have allowed judgment to build toward your parents, or those who raised you, because of their particular mindset, that needs to go before you can get the healing you need and deserve.

Have you been shamed at school or at work? Something like that could make you vow that it would never happen again. Judgment would then be the next thing you’d do; judgment toward those who hurt you.

Get ready to cry out to Jesus. He is right there with you, waiting.

You might like to go over the chart again, and as you do, go through these questions one by one, with an open heart to hearing from God on the matter.

• Do I see God as my Master or as my Father?
• Do people around me see me as an independent person?

Consider getting inner healing. There might be someone in your church who could help you with that. If not, ask them if they know someone who does. Alternatively, there are “healing rooms” throughout the United States and some in Canada.